This is a great instrumental christmas cd that i’ve listened to for years as the soundtrack to wrapping gifts or drinking hot chocolate.

ok i said this post isn’t about Christmas, and i isn’t… so………

How strong are you? how trustworthy are you?…am I?

A question worth asking lately, and one that God seems to be not letting me skirt.

7 To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. 8 Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:7-10 (NIV)

how many times this week… today, have i not allowed God to show himself strong because i wanted to strive hard enough.

Or… when i failed did i give up and hide and not allow God to rescue me and be the hero.

is it possible that i even have the ability to stop God from glorifying himself? no, not really… but it’s possible for me to miss out, to stop him from glorifying himself in my own life. (at least for a time)

How much of God am i missing out on in these moments? usually in moments of trying to do and striving for him? how ironic and sad.

but i don’t think God would have me defeated and without confidence, constantly saying “well i can’t, i’m just weak, or man” or “i’m just going to fail again”

no he wants me to have the confidence and victory and joy in saying “well i can’t and i’m weak and i’m going to fail again…. But the eyes of the LORD move to and fro throughout the earth that He may strongly support those whose heart is completely His. (2 Chronicles 16:9)

one thought that confuses me is the struggle about how elementary and how “gospel” this is… Haven’t i been walking with and serving and growing in relationship God for almost a decade?  but then… we never ever “graduate” from the Gospel of Jesus Christ do we? In Paul’s letters it is so evident. In the first 2 chapters of the letter to the church in Colosse Paul reclaims, reexplains the gospel at least 7 times fully and more than that in short reference.

God help me to “win myself to the cross of Christ every day” as C.H. Spurgeon says it. God help you too. Especially in this season that is so often distracting and overwhelming.

It’s late and I should be sleeping. instead I’m typing my first blog via my BB. Finally figured out how to d/l wordpress’ App (which doesn’t show up in BB appworld) anyway I hope this works, because it’s my last chance at being connected on the go since my laptop power chord gave up working for me.
I’m currently in the heaviest growing/pressing/learning/ugly/revealing process of my last 5 years. And it’s amazing and exciting. I’ll write more about some things I’m learning when I’m not typing on my bb. But (how much time can I waste redundantly explaining my bb blogging) most of that specific blogging will be happening over at www.theglenniferwedding.wordpress.com it’s new. So if you’re interested, go check it out.

Time for bed

P.s. What is with all of the christian conferences? I knew therre were a lot, but since twitter holy crap that’s all I hear about anymore. I’m not saying I’m better than that, but if all the church does is send it’s workers to conference after conference, when will the church actually get to bring the good news? There are just some people that make it there job it seems to go to every conference and twitter about them all day. What is that?

 

I think i’ve been growing in this mindset in my own personal life… no way nearing perfection. But i believe that there are certain aspects of our own personal sanctification that God allows us to clearly see. I believe HE in His perfect love allows us to hear little mini “well done” encouragements along the way. And personally for me there have been a small number of those in that area of my life. But in the beginning stages of planning to tie my life to my fiance’s, i’m learning quick that I need to start dying and dying FAST to myself even more and totally.

I’ll let that vague explanation stand for what it is.

 

for now… the HS has a home hockey game. i have to break out the cowbells and go cheer on the LB!

more thoughts to come…

 

I’ll close with this… getting engaged (and i suspect getting married) are probably going to be the best things i could do for myself to have to trust God more

This is just a quick blah post… I finally have a computer again that works, and has internet.  So we’ll see if this works. Here’s hopin’

When I fall off the face of the blogging as well as normal planet. For a few months.

Last night after eating some dinner i sat down and took out a blank journal excited to start filling it.  when i opened it i realized that i had written on the first page

“this book is dedicated to the glory of God, who is holy and worthy of every effort, minute and breathe that comes only as a blood bought gift from Him who is good and loving more than any other and who sits upon the throne over Heaven and Earth and over all the Universe”

Once i read that i realized that i’d better stick to that dedication and be purposeful about what i fill the pages of that book with. So i decided to put that book down and look to see if i had any other journal or book that i could use that wasn’t so dedicated.  and i remembered… oh crap, i have a space that i wanted to use for such “less dedicated” ramblings and i hadn’t been using it at all. 

 

so… lets hope this time i remember that my wordpress exists and is waiting.

adjective – lacking proper respect or seriousness

Late Saturday night i was enjoying a wonderful conversation with a friend. After sharing a story from my life the conversation then turned as she began to describe me as flippant.  I was shocked and immediately convicted in my heart as i stopped to consider her claim. It was true. The details of the story aren’t important, but what is important is what went on in my heart for the next 15 hours of my life. 

“you’ve ruined my whole day in the best way possible”

that was the text message that i sent to my friend last night after the 15 hours not being able to sleep and then spending all day wondering about the extent of my carelessness and whether or not it matters or how much it matters.

my conclusion thus far: it matters much

PRIDEFULLY… I love to think of myself as very “aware” intellectually, emotionally and spiritually. I love to think of myself as very purposeful with my words and actions.  I was initially broken in the conversation at the moment when this friend, who’s opinion i value greatly was clearly bothered as she spoke up to say that word that i have learned quickly to hate.

eventually i landed on the idea (and still have yet to move on from) that i’m supposed to (because i’ve decided i want to) grow more into the likeness of Christ. well… how often was Jesus recorded being flippant.

if you don’t know, you can read through the gospels and make your own conclusions.

 

“you have ruined my whole day in the best way possible“

What?

The creator of Earth, the heavens, the Universe, all matter and even time itself, cares about me (and you). He cares about me deeply. I’m not his single biggest priority, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t love me perfectly. He desires to be in relationship with me. He gets pumped when i take time to spend with him. It’s true. He’s not dependent on my relationship. He needs nothing from me but still desires to be with me. That is why it was in the best way possible“  because dealing with it and struggling with this idea drove me to God. It was a reminder of how much i need him, and want him to be closely connected to my heart.

… i need to update this blog more often

So lately i’ve allowed myself to be way too busy to post anything. How many times in the past two weeks have i sat down at and stared at my computer screen for about 137 seconds and then headed up to bed. 

So much has happened lately that i have barely slowed down enough to articulate to myself and so i felt i couldn’t just start typing and hope for a blog because it would be so un-thought-through. well… enough of that. 

Here’s a very late night very loose recap of my life lately. winter weekend camp was great. Dec. 5-7. i had an awesome time connecting with a couple of high school guys. the bus rides were probably my favorite times.

Dec. 12 weekend was another weekend to remember. It was probably the best thing for my heart in a looooooooooong time. I got to spend the weekend at Lake Champion serving 450 high school students as Pat Goodman and they’re leaders proclaimed the good news of Christ to them. Two really exciting thing about that weekend. 

1. 18 young adult friends of ours came up to work Summer staff positions and had the chance to see YL for the first time! (they’re now hooked) and they were also the craziest people in club.

and then the icing on the cake. the chance to eat with and be loved on by these beautiful people for a whole weekend.

(don’t mind the crazy face… it was in the middle of singing in club)

 

I love that my apartment is a place that is way too small for people to come to but yet it still ends up that people come. Jordan and Moose were crashing here almost everyday for a solid week after camp. tonight 5 of us ate taco bell on crammed couches and watched hadjoglou get is butt rocked by don flamenco pt. 2

This past week was crazy. Club on monday was really fun. No suck and blow this time, but i had some really great convos with some fun new friends about Jesus Christ and failing school and putting more value on friendships with people who actually care about Christ in our life.

and i forgot a guitar chord so i had to stand on a chair to be loud enough.

Wednesday was a crazy day last week. Anna turned 18, a bunch of us filled her house and ate home made fudge. Then sadly around 3am i got a phone call to pray for the father of a club kid. 20 minutes later i got another call. After a week of fighting and praying against physical breakdowns, his heart finally gave up. The hospital at 4am was a place to watch miracles. With my own eyes i watched as Jesus hugged and cried with a HS girl through the presence of her friends in Christ.

That night i caught a virus… fever and headache, the works. But God has blessed my body and the orange juice that i chugged each day so that i was able to get up lead today in Church for our Christmas Sunday Service. 

Ohhhh my… it’s just not fair sometimes how cute little girls can be. puffy white dress and angel wings did me in this morning.

And a family mourning and remembering their father through stories of laughter and jokes tonight at the funeral home did me in again. 

So now i look forward to YL Christmas party, Christmas caroling with the youth group, Christmas with the family, a couple late night studio sessions, feasto con mel, and new years in buffalo with a few handfuls of my favorite people.

There’s going to be a lot to post about in the very near future… but for now. Sleep

 

p.s. I left out the very exciting part about placing new YL Leaders in our area, that requires it’s own post.

So i spent 9 hours yesterday sitting in a room with 40 other people listening to a very wise older man who loves Jesus tons talk about BUDGETING. Sounds exciting right?

IT WAS and IS

Confession: I am sinfully unpurposeful about the way i spend my money.

i got a txt message today from a friend who was in the seminar with me. She went home last night and started tracking her spending. she wrote “so i discovered that i spent 60 dollars this month on lattes!! and the month is not even over!!! YIKES”

The guy didn’t have many NEW things to tell me. What he did bring to the table was some awesome tools. Easy pre-setup ways to track spending, and even more exciting… a table and plan and tool for tracking and planning a budget and timeline for effectively eliminating debt.

There was no magic formula, there was no “easy path to freedom”

It was 9 hours of realizing what God wants for my life in relation to money, praying to get on His plan, being encouraged and planning about how to start being more and more obedient and disciplined.

John 14:21

“Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me. He who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love him and show myself to him.”

I really, truly, honestly want to be someone who loves Jesus. I want to be loved by Jesus and the Father. I want to see Jesus.

People lately have been fanatical about a new book called “crazy love” by francis chan… i haven’t purchased it yet, or read it. however i’ve been listening to francis’ sermons for almost a year on itunes. He’s the pastor of a church in simi valley, CA. This weeks sermon was great and you should hear it.

 

What is it?  Emotion captured in sound? Melodic poetry? 

How unfortunately hard it is sometimes to keep music a joy and a release rather than a burden and a “job”

I’ve been a drummer for 15 years… I don’t make that statement to brag, but i’ve been playing so long because it is a passion and a joy of mine that is unmatched. Soccer… oh joyous, fun, wonderful soccer is the closest match, but still nothing is like drumming. 

last night wayyyy past midnight i was over mike’s along with another mike with the expressed purpose of goofing off. we decided to ressurect a cd that we hadn’t listened to much less played in years and record it as “live” as possible just for the fun of playing it again.

I didn’t even have half the drums i needed to really play the song not to mention i was playing on v-drums instead of a real kit. but none of it mattered. Gosh it felt good to just jam on some good music. to get sweaty singing in a tiny vocal booth next to another sweaty singing friend.

enjoying music for the sake of enjoying music… who would’ve thought it was possible

anyway. that’s as deep as i’ll take this one for now. there will sure be some deep thoughts to come on the beautiful mysterious gift that music is straight from Heaven and how it moves us and is used by the Spirit.

 

The Faceless asian in the booth

 

 

 

singing falsetto in the booth together... how cute

When you were dead in your sins and in the uncircumcision of your sinful nature,God made you alive with Christ. He forgave us all our sins, having canceled the written code, with its regulations, that was against us and that stood opposed to us; he took it away, nailing it to the cross. And having disarmed the powers and authorities, he made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them by the cross.